Comforter
You are a comforter or mercy-giver. All the motivational orientations are important, but this one is often less prominent or visible than some of the others. Since you have this orientation, that’s usually fine with you, but it can be a challenge sometimes because you get less recognition from people than you deserve.
Introduction
These orientations are based on the gifts listed by Paul in Romans 12:6-8, in which he says that each member of the body of Christ has a gift, each gift is important and the gift is given to serve the rest. The emphasis here is on serving the body, and Paul says to exercise our gift according to the grace given to us. It’s the style in which you act.
“⁶ Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; ⁷ if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; ⁸ or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” Romans 12:6-8 (NASB)
This orientation is based on the gift of showing mercy or comforting spoken of in Rom 12:8.
Definition
The word “comforter” or “he that shows mercy” is translated from the Greek word eleeo, from the root word eleos, and is defined as mercy: kindness or good will towards the miserable and the afflicted, joined with a desire to help them.
The word is also translated here as he that sheweth mercy (KJV), “he who does acts of mercy,” (RSV), And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others....” (NLT). The focus is on showing mercy or bringing comfort.
Paul says to exercise the gifts given according to the grace given us in verse 6 and in this verse, in the full phrase he says, “he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” (NASB)
“If you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them.” The Message.
“Showing mercy does not pertain to the area of forgiveness or sparing judgment. It was to do with ministering to the sick and needy. This is to be done in a cheerful, spontaneous manner that will convey blessing rather than engender self-pity. (Expositor’s Bible Commentary) Do it with grace!
Being the “heart” of the body, this gifting operates with compassion and emotion. Comforters feel strongly; they can’t help it. They pick up on hurts that people have, even when it’s not obvious to the other members of the body. And they identify with the hurting person strongly, unlike the other members of the body.
The basic motivation for comforting or mercy is to identify with, bring comfort to, and relieve those who are in need. It is akin to compassion, pity, gentleness and forbearance. It aims at helping others be empathizing with them.
People with the gift or design of comforting are “feelers,” They feel and sense where people are and reach out to them in a supportive way.
Characteristics of Comforting in the Life of John
People with this gift may experience the following:
1. An ability to sense genuine love, and a greater vulnerability for deeper and more frequent hurts from the lack of love. John’s teachings and personal relationships illustrate that his primary focus was love. He uses the word love more than any other of the disciples, (John 1; 11; III John).
2. A need for deep friendship in which there is mutual commitment. John established a very close relationship with Jesus and Peter. He often refers to himself as the disciple, “whom Jesus loved,” (John 13:23; 19:26; 20:2; 21:7; 21:20).
3. A tendency to react harshly when intimate friends are rejected. John and James asked Christ if they could call down fire from heaven and consume some Samaritans who rejected Christ, (Luke 9:54).
4. A greater concern over mental joy and distress than physical concerns. John wrote to give his readers, “joy,” “fellowship,” “hope,” “confidence,” and to cast out “fear,” and “torment.” (I John 1:2, 4; 3:2; 4:18; 5:13, 14).
5. A tendency to attract people who have mental and emotional distress. John’s deep understanding, love, and acceptance made it easy to understand why others would confide in him as Christ did during the last supper, (John 13:23 – 26).
6. A need to measure acceptance by physical closeness and quality time together. John sought out the closest place to Christ, “leaning on Jesus’ chest,” (John 13:23).
7. A desire to remove the causes of hurts rather than look for the benefits from them. John’s message was to get Christians to stop hating and hurting each other, (I John 1:11, 15).
8. A tendency to avoid decisions and firmness unless they eliminate hurts. John was a follower until it came to denying Jesus; then he was bold and decisive, (Acts 4:13; 19:20).
9. A tendency to be attracted to those with the gift or design of perceiving. John spent more time with Peter than any of the other disciples, (Luke 22:8; Acts 3:1 – 11; 14:13 – 19; 8:14).
Challenges with the Gift of Comforting
People with this gift may experience the following:
1. Failing to be firm and decisive when necessary.
2. Taking up offenses for those who have been hurt.
3. Basing decisions on emotions rather than on reason.
4. Promoting improper affections from those of the opposite sex.
5. Cutting off fellowship with those who are insensitive to others.
6. Reacting to God’s purposes in allowing others to suffer.
7. Sympathizing with those who are violating God’s standards.
8. Establishing possessive friendships with others.
9. Over-emphasizing the “underdog” and compassionate causes.